Humanity's Hungriest
by Jetom
Summary: Just a funny one-shot about an incident with Sasha, food of course, and a funny turn of events. let me know if you like :)


**Humanity's Hungriest**

It wasn't fair. Not in any way, shape or form was it fair. Sasha was inwardly seething with hunger fuelled rage. It had been a full five hours since her last meal and her stomach was already making hollow, echoing noises of distress.

It was the cruellest of punishments- having her meals taken away, and all because some idiot accused her of stealing. It wasn't as if they had even seen her doing it, or that she had been caught red-handed. Let's be honest- she was far too good for that. No, instead that bastard Jean had let slip about her activities in revenge for her dying his shirts pink (by accident, although nobody believed that either). The ultimate indignity. The ultimate humiliation. The ultimate… oh god her stomach was grumbling so LOUD!

….

Eight hours. It had been eight hours since her last meal.

Between the rigors of training, and being forced to run extra laps as further punishment for her sins, she was actually considering writing her will. Sasha wondered what they would put on her headstone when they found her skeleton wasting away in the corner of the barracks, starved to death whilst they were all at dinner. _Here lies Sasha, brave and good. We didn't feed her as we should._

Or something equally moving.

…

Twelve hours. Double digits. She couldn't take it anymore. To be fair, she had actually broken at 10, but knew she couldn't act on it until now. She had to wait until everyone was asleep before making her move. The time had now come, all other residents of the barracks unconscious as she used all of her hunting skills to creep soundlessly from the room, grabbing her bow and quiver from beneath her bed.

A plan had come to her in what was either a flash of inspiration or a hunger induced hallucination. Either way, this was her best shot. No alarms were raised as she made it to the kitchen areas, using her ODM gear to launch herself into the rafters of the dining hall and into the vents which led to the pantry. With utmost care, she knocked an arrow, to which she had tied a length of twine, and took careful aim. There was a slight whistle, a 'thunk', and a breathy cheer from the hidden hunter as she began to reel her prize in.

Suddenly she heard a noise from below, what sounded like footsteps, and she desperately hauled at the string in an attempt to grab the attached bread before she was discovered. Her haste made the loaf swing wildly, colliding with a jar on a shelf and sending it crashing to the floor. Apparently not correctly fixed to the wall, and unexpectedly left unbalanced, the entire shelf listed sharply sideways, all the rest the various pots and boxes hurtling into the ground in a catastrophic wall of sound.

Not stopping to watch, she scurried back through the vents, using her gear to shoot out of an open skylight and praying nobody spotted her. Hurriedly she stowed her cargo in her secret stash point, before running to join the growing crowd of cadets which was forming around the kitchen, everyone apparently having been disturbed by the ruckus. Spotting her friends, she jogged over, trying to act natural.

"What happened?"  
"Hey, where were you? You weren't in the barracks when we woke." it was Krista who had piped up.  
"Umm, needed the bathroom. So what's going on?"

Any answer was drowned out by loud protests from someone who sounded like… Jean was brought into view, Levi clamping one hand around his forearm as he dragged the teen along behind him and presented him to Erwin who had somehow materialised. "Caught him in the pantry. Looks like he was trying to filch."

The gathered witnesses gasped.  
"What? No I wasn't- I got up to go to the bathroom and thought I saw someone creep in there, so I followed and heard a noise from the pantry…"  
"Report, Levi."  
"I was doing my rounds like I always do before bed, and as I passed the kitchen I heard an almighty racket. On further investigation I found this brat standing in the pantry with half the shelves contents lying around him in an ungodly mess."

"You horse faced bastard!" Jaeger was chipping in now, "is that why you blamed Sasha before?"  
"Tch. The kid has a point, Erwin. It would have been good cover."  
"So it seems we have caught the real thief. Alright then, under my authority as commander: Levi, you are in charge of punishing him as you deem appropriate. Braus, you have my apologies and will be given double portions for the next two days. Now that is sorted, everyone get back to bed. We all have a long day of training tomorrow."

Levi was hauling off a scowling and protesting Jean, muttering under his breath about cleaning standards as the crowd broke up. And one, suddenly very happy girl, pressed a hand to her empty stomach as she curled up in bed and dreamed sweet dreams of what breakfast would bring…


End file.
